Time

I can finish that next week. I will have time for you on Friday. My schedule is full today, how about tomorrow? Can you fit this in on Monday? I don’t know when I will find the time. And then it’s over.

Remember when you thought time was immeasurable? When you never gave it a second thought? Think about how much time you wasted on stupid things! Time is one of the things that you can never regain, something you can’t possibly know just how much of it you have. Yet we still sit idly by as our time slips away. On your deathbed, will you wish you had more time?

My father died of vascular dementia, a horrible thing to see never mind die from. His mental faculties were stripped away from him to the point where he lost all inhibitions and his grasp of reality, becoming a human being in our most simple form. It crushed my soul to watch and tore out my heart when we were forced to make the decision to remove all life supporting help and just let him die. I will never get over the sight of him lying in the hospice bed for 8 days before he finally passed away.

I wonder if he wished for more time in those last fleeting moments of his life? Did he regret any time he might have felt he wasted in his youth? Is there something he wished he had done before he died? I hope not, but I bet there was.

3 years later my mother died in a nursing home, and none of her children were allowed to see her in person for the last 2 months of her life due to Covid. I was the last of them to speak with her before her death and we had a good conversation about our mutual love of the outdoors. When she said goodbye to me that evening it was different in a way. It sounded final and she died the next morning. Did she know her time was up?

I have many regrets in my life. I know “they” say we should let go of them, but I see it differently. I cling to them as abject lessons to learn from, paths to shy away from in the hopes of making the most of the time I have left. Do I think my parents lived their lives to the fullest? I certainly hope so or else I would carry a heavy burden on my heart. And indeed I shall do my upmost to live up to the example they showed me and be a good steward with the commodity of time we have been given.

I took the above picture the day my mother died. I was camping in Bingham Maine that day, and I felt my mothers presence beside me. It wasn’t a supernatural experience, just the recognition of her life lessons imparted to me over time. So in a sense she gave me some of her time to bolster mine, and I will never forget that gift and how inspiring it was.

There are moments when I can hear my fathers voice telling me how to avoid the pitfalls of daily life. Words of wisdom I sometimes ignored in my youth to the determent of my well being. In our youth we think we have all the answers, the gift of time is not understood. As we age the light of wisdom shines on the folly of years past and leads us to study the clock of our lives and change our way of thinking.

Time is the most precious thing in our lives, but we seem to take it for granted. We wake up each morning with the hope of a brighter day before us yet never think this could be our last day. Are you prepared for that inevitable moment? Have you thought about just what it is you feel you should accomplish before you die? Time is fleeting and the day of your demise is a question you don’t have the answer too. Make the best of the the single most important commodity you hold, make the best use of the time you have left. Live the life you want not the life others may want you too.

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it’s sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you’re older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I’d something more to say

Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
When I come home cold and tired
It’s good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away, across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spell

Pink Floyd – Time

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